This is probably because it's hard for us to leave our room since Janie and I are both kind of scared of our host-family. They don't really talk to us much, and when they do, it's generally either to tell us that there's food on the table, or in a raised-voices situation where we're doing something wrong. Yesterday there were potted plants in the back of our really big shower (why our shower is big I'm not sure, the rest of our apartment is teeny tiny) and I needed to shower. And since we're afraid of doing anything wrong, I didn't want to take them out in case our Mama was trying to inadvertently water them when we took showers? I'm not sure what I was thinking, but regardless, they were far enough back that I wouldn't have really gotten them wet had I showered with them. So I turn on the water and get in, and then Janie gets yelled at by our house mom's boyfriend that I need to take the plants out of the shower, and to make sure I don't get soap on them...which she then relayed to me through the shower door. Why would they put these plants in the only shower in the house the two girls who DON'T speak their language use? The whole situation was lost on me, and Janie was pretty aggravated with them for yelling at her when they didn't tell us anything about the plants in the first place. We wondered why they didn't put them in our Mama's shower... And I feel awful, because Janie always gets the brunt of the yelling (notice how I don't say argument because 1. we can't really argue with them because we don't speak enough spanish and 2. we really do appreciate them letting us live here, so arguing isn't on our priority list) because I'm either not here when they are (mostly the case) and because Janie doesn't speak as much spanish as I do and conversations between her and them are a little more frustrating.
It's been on my heart lately to really appreciate all the small things, though, so I'm trying to turn this complaint into an opportunity to be more aggressive in getting to know our family. It's definitely hard when we sometimes feel like we are just a means of income for them (they get paid to host us) and that they're not really interested in building a relationship with us, but that just means I have more ground to cover.
Also on my heart - taking advantage of opportunities to be a light. I've been struggling with that a lot. Coming from such a close-knit Christian community at A&M, it's really strange to be surrounded by people who don't belong to the church, and aren't really interested in doing so. Today someone was complaining about how their roommate is "super religious" and my tongue got tied. That's not really an issue back home, so I had no idea what to say... "I'm sorry, is that uncomfortable"? or "That happens"? My biggest fear is turning people away from Christ by being overbearing about my relationship with our Father, but is it not worse to say nothing at all? I'm praying for the courage, the words, to intertwine truth in conversation without making anyone feel uncomfortable, but to feel loved. Of course saying "I love you! And so does the Lord!" isn't exactly the route to take right of the bat, but I have felt guilty leaving a conversation and having them not know that I am a daughter of our King, a sister in Christ. Where do you draw the line between becoming a friend and building a relationship with someone who doesn't know the Lord in hopes of showing them, and the building of a relationship that doesn't revolve around the Lord at all?
Just some current thoughts (pensamientos).
Thoughtfully Yours (because I'm already Tan),
Julia
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